LOVE is the Absence of Judgement


Tonight, my heart is heavy. It’s aching. There’s so many things running through my mind. Sometimes being me feels complicated, like the world is out to get me. I know that’s not true, but sometimes we all get overwhelmed with things and the pressures of today’s society. One of our biggest fears is the fear of judgment— the fear of being judged, and our own self-judgement can become the biggest blocks in our lives. We must strive to let go of the need to judge people and experiences and categorize them as good or bad, right or wrong. Instead, focus on seeing greatness and perfection on ourselves, and all human beings. This is what has inspired me to make this post. 

When I was little, it seemed as if growing up was going to be so magical and so great. Like I would go to school, graduate, go to college, meet the man of my dreams while pursuing my dream job and eventually get married and have a kid or two. While yes, in many ways it has been magical and it is great. In others, living in today’s world sucks. I wasn’t prepared to face the world — not today’s world. Today, people are so judgmental. The world expects you to be perfect and not ever fail or make a single mistake. We are all faced with tough decisions and it’s up to us whether we make the right one or not. It’s different for everyone. That’s what makes each of us so unique.

For me, I was faced with an unplanned, teen pregnancy. I was 15 at the time and I will be honest — I knew what I was doing, but at the same time, I wasn’t educated at all on what could be the result of that one night. Until it happened. At the young age of 15, I found out that I was going to be a mother. A mother to a precious baby girl. A girlfriend of a boy who I had known for three months prior to finding out. All because he told me that he loved me. 

Now, before you read that and think that I’m acting like I regret my daughter, I don’t. Not in anyway, shape or form do I regret having a baby that young, BUT if I could’ve chose to have her later in life — yes, I would have. If I could have chose to have her with someone who I would spend the rest of my life with, not just a few months, yes I would. There’s so many things that I would change if given the chance. Unfortunately, life works in a very mysterious way. And we can’t change the past, so we do everything in our power to make the greater good out of what was a not-so-great situation. 

My first daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me. Why yes, she changed me. A lot to be honest. But she gave me a new purpose in life, a new value to the meaning of life. However, a lot of people didn’t see it that way. I lost so many “friends”, I got called names like “whore” and there was so many things that happened that I can’t even put into words. My moms family is very religious and of course, having sex, let alone a baby, out of wedlock was something you just didn’t do. Some were supportive, but some were very, very judgmental. People would talk, say things behind my back, but I tried to not let it bother me. Going out in public was so hard for the longest time because I’d get constant stares or people would whisper as I walked by, acting like I couldn’t hear it. For the first few years of her life, most people thought she was my sister when would go places. I would just laugh it off. It bothered me, sometimes, but I learned it was something that I would just have to get used to. I eventually learned to embrace it. I learned that while everyone else is older and still being woke up during the night with a baby, I’d still be young and getting to sleep through the night myself because my child(ren) are grown. 

Best advice I received: “Do what makes YOU happy and screw who doesn’t like it or agree, because you can never please everyone. We are not here to please the whole world. We are here to please God. Nobody else matters.” 

I guess the actual point of this is — don’t let judgmental people get you down. They are everywhere. There’s always going to be that one person (or even a few people) who hate watching you succeed. I mean if you could fully embrace the perfect being you are, how more joyful would life be? People these days thrive on others failure because it makes them feel better about their own. Honestly, this world sucks sometimes. Society sucks. It’s just a bunch of judgmental a**-holes. And that’s the sad truth. People forget that people can change. That just because we were once “that person” doesn’t mean we still are. Or just because some people choose to do things differently, doesn’t mean they are wrong. We grow, we learn and we change. The past is the past for a reason. Stop trying to prove yourself worthy!

Sometimes I think we all forget who’s really in charge of this world and who we should really be worrying about judgment with, but unfortunately that’s the last thing a lot of us think about, myself included. God is the ONLY one who can judge us. And He is the only one we should be looking for approval from, not everyone else. I truly believe that our God is a forgiving God. He loves us. Without him, we wouldn’t be here. He died for US. And today, we all need to realize that. We need to realize what we are doing in our lives and get things together. We need to stop being judgmental — we need to read our Bibles and pray for them instead. Our worth isn’t determined by what we do, or have, but by who you are, a child of God.

When I was little, my Granny always said “Jesus disguised himself as many things - a homeless man, a beggar etc and to not pass judgment on anyone because you never know when you are entertaining the Lord. Always show love and hospitality when needed.” And she did, she always did. She would feed anyone who walked in her home. She would give them the clothes off her back and the last bit of money she had, if needed. And that’s something I’ve always tried to live by. I mean yes, we are all guilty of judgment at some point. It can be hard, because in this society it’s the new normal. But I’ve always tried to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, too. Like instead of giving a homeless man cash, I will give him a gift card or a burger. I will give anyone a chance, even if that means I get hurt. I will feed anyone who steps foot in my house, even if I didn’t prepare enough, I will make it go far. I will help others whenever I can, even when I couldn’t or shouldn’t, I still have. And this is the kind of things today’s society totally lacks. 

We see a man in the store with stained clothes on and a dirty face — we automatically assume he is homeless or just dirty in general. We don’t see the man who just got off work because he is a mechanic and he is dirty and was only stopping by the store to grab something for his family to eat. We see a man who doesn’t have the best teeth or any at all and we assume he is either on drugs or had a drug issue in the past. We don’t see the man who didn’t have the best parents growing up and was never forced to brush them or doesn’t have the money to fix them because he’s working a 9-5 job to support his family and dental insurance was something his job didn’t offer. He might’ve had plans to get them fixed, you never know. I’m sure he doesn’t like them either, but he deals with it because his family is most important. I mean see what I mean here? We pass judgment daily, HOWEVER, we don’t know what that person is facing in life. We don’t even know them. We are all at different seasons in our life. Some lives are better than others, but we are all the same when looked within. Nobody is better than anybody, except Jesus Christ himself. 

I have been very blessed in this life. Jordan and I are so blessed. We have been together almost seven years, have three almost four beautiful, healthy kids. We are healthy. We have a warm home, our bills are paid and we have food in our bellies. Yes, we have had our own share of trials — currently going through one as we speak, but one thing that has helped me is knowing that God is the one person that can help see us out of this. He gives us these situations to only make us grow and realize. And I can’t wait to see what the future holds for me and my family. It can only get better. One loss is only another gain. I just remind myself daily that God always has something better in mind when something I or we (Jordan) wanted, that didn’t work out. He knows and He sees it. He has a plan for us. He will see us through and show us the light. He has done it before and He will do it again. God never fails us. And as a momma, I will do my best to never fail my children. They are our future and we are their only hope. We are the creators of our destiny, stop living life worrying about everyone else and start living life without limits!

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I really hope this post reaches the people who need it. I hope this post turns a persons bitter face into a better one. I hope that if you are just having a bad day, that this post makes you know you are not alone. We all have those days. Much love to each of my followers, my supporters and my blog readers. All of you have a special place in my heart. And without y’all, I wouldn’t be doing this. 

xoxo

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